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Parenting is no easy task. It's a job that gives many rewards but also provides parents with many challenges and a lot of room to grow. Raising children without setting a structure and providing clear boundaries doesn't prepare them for real life. Setting ground rules is an essential part of raising children that will eventually become well-adjusted teens.
Setting ground rules for teenagers can be very challenging, but it's something that parents should take the time to consider doing. Ground rules don't just keep your teens out of trouble. They also tell your teens what you expect of them as their parents. They help family members get along well together and teaches children at an early age how they should act towards other people, and how other people should act towards them. Ground rules for teenagers don't only set boundaries for teens but they also serve as guidelines for adults on how they should treat the young people in the family.
Teens may not see their importance now, but having ground rules to keep them in line will definitely serve a greater purpose in their lives as they grow up.
How parents can start setting ground rules for teens
Teenage years are often turbulent years, and parents are under a lot of stress to keep the peace at home. They often desire a home environment where their children can see them as their friends, but this kind of relationship can be unhealthy. To illustrate it, parents can think of it this way; they can have two boxes in front of them. One labeled "parent" and other other labeled "friend". One can have both feet in the "parent" box, and at other times have one feet in each box. However, because of the role of parents in the life of their children, it's never beneficial to have both feet inside the "friend" box.
Here are a few tips for parents who want to set ground rules for their teens but don't know where to start:
- Make the rules clear and simple - Avoid vague rules that leave a lot of room for misinterpretation. Setting a curfew, for example, only works if teens understand what time is too late by your family's standards.
- Define non-negotiable rules - It's good for families to establish clearly what their core values are, those that are non-negotiable. For example, if teens are allowed to drive, it's a good idea for families to have a zero-tolerance rule for drinking and driving. This doesn't mean that there's no way out for teens that make mistakes and break the non-negotiable rules. For example, if teens are not allowed to drink, and they break the rules and still drink in a party, it's a good idea for parents to make themselves the first available option to drive the teens home.
- Consequences come with rules - It's a little bit senseless to make rules that don't go with consequences. As much as it's pretty counter productive to make rules and consequences without being consistent in upholding them.
- Determine the proper punishment - As much as possible, punishments should be constructive in nature. Enforcing punishment that brings about overly negative experiences to teens does more harm than good. It sullies the relationship parents have with their teens rather than foster mutual respect. It doesn't help teens understand why they need to respect the rules. On the contrary, it builds up animosity and negative feelings that incites teens to act out in other ways.
- Be in agreement - Many times, not being in agreement with your spouse or other adults in the family about the house rules creates a rift in the family. When the mother prohibits watching television during school days and the father lets it slide whenever the kids ask him, the kids don't learn the lessons they need to learn, and it creates partiality between the two parents. It's important for parents or responsible adults in the family to create a unified front when it comes to house rules, and not to use the house rules to gain the approval of children at the expense of other family members.
- Discuss rather than lecture - When constructing ground rules, have the rules clearly outlined, especially those that you consider to be non-negotiable. When fine-tuning them, it's best to gain the involvement of teens. Discuss the rules and keep the communication lines open. Listen to what they have to say. If they make a valid point, consider their point too and take the time to think it over and make the necessary adjustments. Discuss issues that have become problematic in the past and try to solve the problem together. Rather than lecture and impose the rules, involving them in a part of the process helps them understand why the rules were made and acknowledge that they make sense. Treating your teen graciously during discussion sets a good example and fosters an atmosphere of respect that is critical to their maturity.
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