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It's incredibly frustrating for parents to deal with teens that lie, especially if it seems that telling the truth would be simpler and less complicated. For parents, the logic is quite simple. If you don't want to get into trouble, then don't lie. However, it's not as simple as that for teens. The problem is that teens don't understand how hurtful the habit of lying can be. Good relationships are based on trust. In fact, it's one of the indicators that you have a healthy relationship with a person. Once you find out that you're being lied to, it casts doubts on the quality of the relationship that you share with your teen.

Teens don't often lie out of malice, though. Unlike what some parents may think, this doesn't mean that your child is turning out to be a bad egg. Teens lie for many different reasons. One of them could be that they don't want to hurt the person they are lying to, like lying about the need to do homework when they really just don't want to go out with them. They are unsure of how to beg off from the invitation and so they resort to lying, thinking that this is less complicated than confronting the truth.

Some teens don't view what they are doing as "lying" but rather an assertion of control. This is mostly because they are at a stage in their life where they are, developmentally speaking, moving away from what used to be a family-centric view towards a more peer-centric view. Teens are at a stage when they are beginning to test out what mastering their own lives feels like, and lying about their personal choices becomes necessary (at least from where they are standing) because of the conflict it causes with their parents.

The behavior of some teens may also reflect the way they perceive the relationship that they have with their parents. That being said, some teens lie because they feel that being honest and open to their parents can create unwanted hassles for them. They are unsure about how their parents would handle their honesty, and often wonder how much honesty their parents can actually tolerate. At times, teens lie because they are convinced that their parents won't listen to them anyway if they bothered to tell the truth. Oftentimes, parents can take a hint and see the degree of their teens' honesty towards them as an indicator of how open their relationship really is at home.

At other times, teens lie simply to make an easier exit out of a sticky situation. Rather than face up to the consequences of their choices, they opt to take the easy way out and lie, overlooking the fact that they will need to constantly lie to cover their lies, and they need to keep track of the untruths that they've told just to keep up the ruse.

Sometimes teens lie by means of exaggerating, in which case you may need to dig a little deeper to find out why. Some teens exaggerate out of insecurity rather than to keep themselves out of trouble.

When you find out about your teen's lying habits, the first (and normal) reaction would be to act out of anger and to start moralizing about why it's bad to lie. Here are a few suggestions that would help teens make a better choice than lying:

1. Reevaluate how you treat your teen - Sometimes it's easier to find a solution by looking inwards and asking yourself the difficult questions. Rather than immediately responding to your teen's habitual lying, first try to see if you are treating your teen with respect. Is your teen assured that their point of view will be listened to and respected?
2. Reevaluate the home environment - Does your teen feel safe enough to be honest at home? Is the home atmosphere over-critical and unaccepting?
3. Set a good example - Teens need to see from their parents and other adult role models that telling the truth is the better choice. It doesn't make sense to them if you demand them to be truthful and then you turn around and lie to get yourself out of trouble. As a rule, never ask them to do anything you yourself are not prepared to do.
4. Show them a better way - If your teen lies to get out of trouble, simply telling them not to lie is insufficient. Teens need to know how to respond to different situations. They need to learn about the other alternatives they can use. They need to discover the life skill of creative problem-solving.
5. Don't be in denial about your teen's lying - When you catch your teen in a lie, ask them about it without moralizing. Asking rather than preaching is a very powerful response which gives the message that you can see through the ruse, and that you're ready to listen why they feel the need to tell these lies.

Lying can be a difficult habit to break, but with a supportive family, good adult role models, and sometimes even help from your family therapists or school/church counselors, teens can stop lying. They can learn a better way to feel good about themselves or resolve problems without resorting to breaking other people's trust and confidence in them.