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Parenting teens can be an experience that is filled with victories and challenges. Having a troubled teenager makes the experience even more challenging. Parents need all the help they can get to survive the teenage years and, more importantly, to help their teens transition into adulthood as well-adjusted individuals.
For parents who need troubled teenager help, here are a few pointers that you may find useful:
- Discuss things with your teen - Troubled teens can really take a lot out of parents but it would be very helpful if parents made it clear that the lines of communication should always be open at home. Provide your teen with many opportunities to approach you and talk. Have family dinners at home and engage your teen in conversation. Instead of lecturing them, discuss things with them and listen to what they have to say. More than anything else, teens need to feel that they are safe and respected at home.
- Don't take away the consequences - When teens make bad choices or wilfully disobey your rules, it's important that you follow through with the consequences of disobedience. Taking away the consequences is like depriving them of the important lessons of life. While well-intentioned parents try to shield their children from the difficulties of life, all it really does is teach them to live a life without consequences. It's a very dangerous pattern to leave unbroken.
- Set reachable goals - Well-meaning parents also often falls into the mistake of setting unreasonable goals for their teens. Not only does this affect your teen's self-esteem, it's also going to be a constant source of irritation and frustration for both you and your child. It's important to set goals based on your child's ability. If your child has a learning disability, for example, setting grades that are unreasonable is setting your child up for failure.
- Don't focus on only the negative - A child cannot blossom in an environment of constant criticism. It's harmful for your child's self esteem if you only express dissatisfaction for what he/she cannot do, or forgot to do, or didn't do well. Find some positive things to focus on instead on holding on to every single mistake and poor judgment.
- Good grades isn't everything - Believe it or not, some teens actually make an effort to get good grades in order to get you off their back if they're doing something wrong. Good grades should not be the only thing you should be looking at when monitoring your child's wellbeing. If you see other signs that your teen has a problem or is into something questionable, find out what's going on. Regardless of whether his/her grades are good are not.
- Take the time to know what kids are into these days - Parents should always take the time to learn what kids are into these days to anticipate any kind of issues that may crop up because of them. For example, parents who don't know about "the choking game" may miss important signs that their kids are playing the dangerous game until it's too late.
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