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When going through a difficult time, talking to your teenager is a challenging but necessary step that no parent should put off or overlook. Going through a divorce is an example of a major change in the household, and parents need to put more effort into helping their teens through it.
When dealing with major changes in the household, some teens may adjust better than others. If your teen is showing difficulties adjusting to the family's situation, adjusting your parenting technique especially when talking with them is a must. Here are a few tips and advice for talking to your teenager:
- Make it a habit - If your teen is not used to talking, each conversation will be a struggle. Make the home environment conducive to family talks by giving your teen more opportunities to talk to you. Do your best to have family dinners every night. Keep the conversation as light as possible, just to get the children used to the idea of talking to you.
- Use active listening - Many teens prefer not to talk to their parents because they feel they are not being listened to or understood. Even if you spend a lot of time hearing your teen out when he/she talks, it would be even more powerful and effective if you used active listening skills and show that you are understanding what he/she is saying. Show your teen that he/she is actually talking with somebody who cares and who hears what he/she is saying.
- Promote mutual respect - Even if it sometimes feel difficult, giving your teen the respect that you expect to get from them often does wonders. Teens who feel they are insignificant, voiceless, and looked down upon at home are less likely to talk to their parents when approached.
- Don't be emotional - This may come as a surprise to some parents but yelling simply doesn't work. If there's one thing yelling will succeed in doing, it's to encourage your teen to tune you out while you are yelling or slam the door of the room to get away from you. It stops conversation and halts any progress you've been making in trying to communicate with your teen.
- Set a good example - You have a better chance of getting through your teen if you set a good example to them. If your teen is experimenting with drinking to cope with the home situation, you'll probably be more able to help him/her stop if you yourself don't drink. Teens and young children take cues from the way that their parents act. Whether you like it or not, your example makes a big impact on the lives of your children. You can't ask them to just follow your rules if you don't follow the rules yourself.
Learning to communicate with your teen effectively, especially during difficulties, takes time and a lot of effort. Be patient and seek help through counseling and therapy if necessary.
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