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Teenagers are at a stage in their lives when they are supposed to be learning how to be independent and how to make sound decisions. However, one doesn't grow into being a responsible adult without proper guidelines. Any parent who has ever had to deal with teens know that one of the most challenging things in parenting young people is making them obey ground rules.
Teaching your teens how to obey these rules also teaches them healthy limitations. As long as the rules are reasonable, effectively enforcing these rules will eventually help your teen self-regulate and eventually grow into the role of adulthood who can make good decisions by him/herself. Here are a few tips for setting ground rules for your teenager:
- Set clear rules and consequences - Set rules that are clear, reasonable, and realistic. Don't set rules just for the sake of setting rules. It's even better if your teen understands clearly what the rules are for. Pair these rules with clear and reasonable consequences. Don't create consequences that don't fit the crime. Imposing harsh punishment for minor infractions will just skew your teen's sense of rules and consequences.
- Be consistent - Enforcing your rules only when you feel like it is not a very good way to teach your teen self-regulation. It's important to be consistent about house rules and as consistent with handing out punishment for broken rules.
- Set rules on communication - Most teens have a one-track mind. When they are having fun, they often forget everything else completely. It's important to set rules about communicating with you when they are out of the house. You can also require them to answer their mobile phones when you call, not set their phones on silent when they are out with friends, or give you a call no more than 15 minutes after they missed answering your call.
- Set a curfew - This is one of those rules parents should enforce strictly. Talk to your teen about this, negotiate the time if possible so that they can feel involved in the decision-making.
- Make yourself available - Teens must never be afraid to call you and ask you to pick them up when they're in a party where other teens are using drugs or when they drank alcoholic beverages.
- Possession is the same as using - Teens who are caught possessing substances that are not allowed in the house cannot use the excuse that "it belongs to a friend". It's best if parents lay down the rule clearly that possession is as punishable as using these prohibited substances.
At the end of the day, parents also need to be able to trust their instincts about their children. If you sense something is wrong but everything seems fine superficially, trust your instincts and keep an eye out for a way to talk to your child about it.
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