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Being a parent to troubled teens can be filled with many difficult questions. Teens are at a stage in their life where they want to feel independent, make their own decision, and transition to adulthood. There are acceptable risks to take and there are those that aren't. When teens begin to act out in dangerous ways, what should parents do?
Here are a few parenting tips for troubled teens that every parent should know:
- Identify the "Why" first - It's easy for parents to immediately go on the offensive and take a tough stance without understanding first what's really happening with them. Teens may be known for their mood swings, but it's not usual for them to make drastic personality changes without an underlying reason. Finding out the "why" part will probably give you an insight on how to help them change and get on the right path.
- Reinforce positive behavior with praise - Even if they will never openly admit it, it's important for teens to know that you recognize their efforts. Even if they do their chores while mumbling and grumbling, giving them praise rather would accomplish more than dishing out criticism.
- Encourage your teen to talk with you - Believe it or not, your teen seeks your approval and love. They may not say it, they may act like they don't care and it would even seem that they go out of their way to do exactly the opposite of what you want them to do, but most teens need to know that they are valued and loved at home. Otherwise, they will try to fill that need for acceptance elsewhere. Give your teen plenty of encouragement and opportunities to talk with you and listen to what he/she has to say.
- Act like a parent - Parents want a warm relationship with their children. However, being a parent means that one has to make difficult decisions that may not be easy for their children to accept or understand. As a parent, your responsibility is to make sure that your children are safe. This means that you may not go along with everything that your teens want, you may need to tell them what they don't want to hear, and you may need to do something they don't agree with.
- Stand firm on your decisions - If you are sure that your decision is the right one for your teen, stand firm on it. Children learn to be manipulative at an early age. Teens know that most of the time, if they argue with you and bug you long enough, you'll get tired or annoyed and give in. Avoid getting angry and getting sucked into arguments.
- Be consistent with your rules - There are some things in the household that can be negotiated but there should also be rules that must be considered non-negotiable. It's best if you made it clear to your teen that you expect the rules to be followed in the household, and that there will be consequences for breaking them. Contrary to what teens believe, it's not always easy for parents to enforce the rules and carry out punishment. However, parents who balk at doing this often find out the hard way that their children will take this as a sign that they can take the household rules lightly.
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