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Teenagers lie for different reasons. It's frustrating for parents to find out that their relationship with their child has somehow changed enough for their teens to feel that they cannot tell their parents the truth anymore. At times, teens lie in order to protect themselves or somebody else. They may think that it's easier to lie than tell the truth. They may do it to get out of an undesirable situation. They may stretch the truth or tell half-truths if they feel that the truth isn't interesting enough. They may think that it's the only solution to their problem at the moment.
Whatever their reasons are, parents should understand that teenagers usually lie to cope with the difficulties they are experiencing at this stage in their lives. Here are a few tips on how to deal with lying teenagers:
- Prepare for this phase - Staying one step ahead of teens is important when dealing with lying teenagers. Learn how to ask direct, specific questions. Teens will usually rather not directly lie to or disobey their parents. It would help if you made the effort to stay connected with your teens through encouraging open communication, getting to know their friends, and talking to them about issues that they would probably feel they need to lie about in the future, like sex and alcohol.
- Talk to your teens - The first impulse of parents when they find out that their teens have been lying to them is to call them out and lecture them on why they shouldn't life. What would be a more effective way to deal with it is to find out why they felt they had to lie in the first place. Talk to your teens, ask them about their opinions and feelings, acknowledge their side of the story even if you have a different opinion about it. As long as people are talking, there is hope for change.
- Set a good example - You can't ask your teen to not lie when they see you lying too. In order to foster an attitude that values trust, show a good example to your teen by not lying, and by doing your best to keep your promises.
- Help develop their maturity - Trusting your teen is one of the first steps of developing their maturity. Letting them make decisions on a few things and allowing them to experience the positive or negative consequences that come out of these decisions would go a long way in helping them gain personal responsibility. For example, you don't have to hover over them and ask them every day if they did their homework. If they fail, don't bail them out. Taking away the consequences of their actions will also take away the impact of life's lessons. Pretty soon they'll find out that lying about something and not admitting what they've done only hurts themselves.
It's one thing to keep catching your teen lying about the smallest things, it's another to find out they're lying about a dangerous activity. However, both introduces trust issues in the family that will, in their own way, affect family relationship.
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