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Going through a divorce can be a difficult time for couples, but it's even harder on children and teens to see their family go through a drastic change. While it's true that teens are older and parents expect them to handle the situation better than younger siblings, they may still struggle with feelings of anger, betrayal and guilt. No matter what age children are, they almost always have the uncanny ability to place the blame on themselves. Teens can also get disillusioned with the hope that their parents will get back together eventually and struggle with disappointment when this doesn't happen.
What effect can divorce have on teenagers? The answer varies widely. The common effects can include the following:
- Anger - Teens go through a stage when their moods and feelings are already volatile as it is. Adding divorce to the mix may make the teen withdraw, talk back to parents, lash out at them in anger, act out, engage in dangerous activities, or similar reactions.
- Decline in grades - A divorce can affect a teen's academic performance adversely. Their grades may suffer and they may lose interest in school activities. They may seem uninterested in their academic performance. Parents may be surprised that their teens' grades begin to suffer even before they tell them about the divorce. Teens can sense when there's trouble between their parents, maybe even more so than younger siblings.
- Overcompensation - Some teens may feel that it's their fault their parents are breaking up. In some instances, this prompts teens to "Do something about" their behavior in order to make their family life more desirable to their parents. They may work harder at school and get better grades or try to succeed more in sports or other afterschool programs. These teens become very disappointed when their parents still don't get back together after everything they do.
- Substance abuse - It's not uncommon for young people to start experimenting with drugs, alcohol and cigarettes while their parents are going through a divorce. This is especially true if the home environment is considerably difficult for them to endure. Teens do drugs or drink alcohol emotionally. In other words, they do it to deaden the pain that they feel. The problem with this is that emotional pain cannot be dealt with this way, and so many teens who have parents going through divorce end up overdosing or getting drunk (and doing dangerous things while drunk).
Although the divorce can take a lot of parents' time and attention, it's very important to keep an eye out for how their children are taking the divorce. Talking and constantly keeping the lines of communication open is a very important thing to do when helping teens adjust to divorce. Teens may act like they don't need help and you may get rebuffed several times when you're trying to talk to them, but don't let that fool you into thinking that they really don't need your help anymore.
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