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It can be a very emotionally draining and stressful experience to parent defiant teens. Parents need all the help they can get to not just get through the phase in one piece but also to help their teens become better adjusted adult who isn't always at odds or struggling against the people around them.
What can parents do?
When faced with the daily struggles of dealing with a defiant teen, it helps to keep a few things in mind. Here are a few tips for dealing with defiant teens:
- Is your child a troubled teen? - Some teens are defiant as much as other normal teens are. Teenage years is a time when young people are beginning to exercise their independence, trying out their wings, and are growing into the kind of person they want to be. It's not unusual for teens to lock horns with their parents once in a while because they're trying to make their own decisions in life. However, parenting a troubled teen is a different issue. Do you often catch your child lying? Is your child manipulative? Is he flunking school, showing signs of drug use, engaging in dangerous activities (like drunk driving, racing, etc), sexually acting out, and more? A good place to start is with your doctor. Some teens need more help than others when it comes to dealing with their issues. Your teen may need more help than you will be able to give alone.
- Be firm and consistent - If you set rules in the household, uphold the punishment and be consistent about it. Some parents want to spare their children from the consequences of their actions but doing so will only teach teens that they do not need to be responsible for their actions. Removing the consequences is the equivalent of stealing life lessons from your teen.
- Be on the same page with your spouse - Parenting a defiant teen will go smoother if you and your spouse are on the same page about it. Not being in agreement with enforcing household rules will only paint one parent as a villain and the other as a hero. When one parent enables a defiant teen and a couple fails to present a united front, it really brings more harm than good o the teen.
- Choose your battles - Teens will act out from time to time, but dealing with a defiant teen can really push parents over the edge. It may be difficult to accept this but choosing your battles by focusing on the main points and just letting go of the smaller points can be helpful not just for the teen but for you too. It lowers your stress level while allowing your child some breathing room to grow.
- Affirm positive behavior - When a child lives in an environment of constant criticism, it affects his emotional growth adversely. While it's tempting to criticize every wrong thing that your child does, it doesn't really help.
- Communicate - In dealing with defiant teens, communication is very important. You may not believe it, but shouting and screaming doesn't work. Engaging your child in an emotional discussion isn't the best way to communicate. Give your child plenty of opportunities to approach you and do your best to make the home atmosphere conducive to positive communication.
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