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Parents who have teenage children know that adolescents can be quite a handful to handle. Add ADHD to that mix and it can potentially be a very challenging time for parents. The best way to prevent problems with ADHD teens is to make sure that patterns of good behavior are instilled and cultivated at an early age. It's easier to reinforce something that has been started early in a child's life than to start late when their habits and ways are already set and they are at a time in their life when they are developing their independence.
Of course, there's really no easy way to cope with your children's teenage years. However, there are a few things you can do to help you and your teen survive these turbulent times. Here are a few tips that could be useful for parents who are dealing with ADHD teens:
- Punish choice, not biology - There are misbehaviors that involve wilful disobedience, and there are those that ADHD teens just can't help. Nothing's more frustrating than being criticized and punished continuously for things that they cannot help. For example, one of the usual symptoms of ADHD is disorganization. It's going to be frustrating for both you and your teen if you constantly choose to berate your teen for always misplacing his/her homework. On the other hand, while impulsivity is also a symptom of ADHD, choosing to vandalise public property involves personal choice.
- Involve your teen in shaping house rules - It's a known fact that even rebellious teens will find it easier to obey house rules if they had a hand in shaping them. It's advisable for parents to keep the communication going in the family in the form of family meetings. Here, open communication can be encouraged and an atmosphere of warmth and familial love can be cultivated. It's a time when parents can listen to the opinion of their children, what they think would better improve the household rules, and their challenges in obeying the rules.
- Involve your teen in making a few decisions - Your relationship with your ADHD teen can improve significantly if you involve them in a few decisions made in the house. Of course, the more important ones should be made by you, especially those which you consider to be non-negotiable. However, other decisions like where to spend summer vacation, what to name the dog, where to go for dinner over the weekend are decisions which your child can get involved in making.
- Do NOT be emotional - Yes, dealing with ADHD teens can oftentimes be extremely frustrating but always make the decision not to engage your teen in a shouting match. Many ADHD teens are emotional and they will draw you into an emotional exchange any chance that they get. Choose to be calm but firm instead of arguing with your teen.
- Be consistent and make enforceable rules - Consistency is a very important component of raising an ADHD teen. Don't make rules you cannot consistently enforce. For example, "be home by 10 PM" is an enforceable rule because you can see if your teen breaks this rule and you can take concrete actions towards punishing it. However, "Do not hang out with these bad people..." is not an easily enforceable rule, unless you make your life revolve aroud your teen and you follow him/her around wherever he/she goes.
- Don't let your fights be "historic" - It's a bad idea to dredge up the past when talkng with your teen. Keep in mind that your teen is easily distracted. Keep your point simple and focus on the issue at hand and don't complicate the current situation by using long lectures and criticising for past mistakes.
- Be consistent about serious issues - Many parents of teens know that when it comes to dealing with adolescents with ADHD, choosing your battles is important. Make sure that your teen knows your stand on serious issues that ADHD teens usually have problems with. Teens with ADHD are more likely to engage risky behavior, sexually acting out, substance abuse, and more. Take a firm and consistent stand about such issues and impose meaningful consequences for violations made regarding them.
There are many things that parents can do to help their teens cope with ADHD during their adolescent years. Parental involvement is an essential component and wanting to learn more about this is a positive first step to understanding your teen and what you can do for them, being in the unique position of authority that you have.
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